Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Waiting in Limbo Land

On December 13, 2010 we met with a reproductive endocrinologist and formulated a plan to get us on the road to having a baby. In our typical fashion, Dr. Love and I jumped into action. We wanted to take full advantage of Dr. Love's 2 week vacation time and get all of our testing done so that we could hit the new year with a fresh start.

The testing roll call:

-semen analysis: complete. Results=good

-2 hour glucose test: done. Results=passed

-A1C: complete. Results=a little high but still fine

-TSH: done. Results= 1, which means I'm now hyperthyroid. Stopping meds and will recheck in a few weeks.

-HSG:.....:crickets chirping: still waiting for Aunt Flow :(

Currently I am at CD 53 which is just a bit frustrating when I expected to be done with this cycle weeks ago. I took a home pregnancy test this morning and as I expected it came back negative. I haven't had a cycle go this long since going off birth control a year ago. I'm starting to believe that she hibernates during the winter, she is a beast after all. Currently I plan to hold out one more week with a small glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, something miraculous happened on vacation and it's just too early to tell.

I'm frustrated that I've been on the ball and followed through on everything I can do on my part and yet I wait. I have a plan that I want to put into action but I'm stuck in waiting mode. Hurry up and wait seems to be the theme of my life and I'm tired of it. I understand that life is full of things that are out of our control and we have to be patient, but I'm getting tired of being patient.

I sit and watch as others move on with their plans and yet I'm stuck. I know where I have been and I'm on the cusp of going where I want to be yet I'm stuck. Wait, wait, wait. Patience, patience, patience. I'm ready to get off this merry-go-round to nowhere.

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