Thursday, January 13, 2011

Long road to nowhere

Today marks CD 60, which makes this my longest cycle ever. I tested. Big fat, stark white, not a trace of a line, negative. In my head I expected this but my heart had a bit of hope for otherwise. I thought/hoped...

Maybe, just maybe, I'll follow in the footsteps of a recent string of surprise pre-IF-treatment BFPs on a message board I visit. (I'm really happy for those girls)

Maybe, just maybe, the reason the powers that be have stuck me here unable to continue testing and treatment is because I won't need it.

Maybe, just maybe, Disneyland really is the Happiest Place on Earth and we'd end up with an anniversary baby.

Maybe, just maybe, my relaxing over the last couple weeks and stepping away from my BBT thermometer, will have worked. Afterall it's the cliche advice everyone else gives those TTC.

Maybe, just maybe, I won't have to come out about our issues to my mom in asking for a ride to my test and instead I'll get to tell her she's going to be a grandma.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to give Dr. Love a birthday gift only I could give him.

Nope, negative, nada, zip, zilch, zero, bubkis.

I'm going to put a call into my RE for Provera so that hopefully we can get this crazy ride back in gear. My only hope now is that maybe, just maybe, Aunt Flow will be kind and show up in the next few days versus the 1.5-2 weeks that it can take with Provera. Maybe, but she doesn't have the history of being kind, I don't think it's in her nature.

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