In December, my sister in law gave birth to triplets at 34 weeks. For premies, they were healthy but still had to stay at the hospital for several weeks until they could come home. Dr. Love and I went and saw them once in the hospital. They were tiny, looked so fragile, and at that moment I remembered...babies scare me. I didn't grow up around a lot of babies so I'm very intimidated by them. I was nervous to hold them, worried about feeding them, and terrified of trying to burp the fragile looking bodies. I left the hospital feeling a bit disappointed about my prospects of being a good mom considering how intimidated I felt by them. However, I also realized that this was perfectly normal, and it would be different when they were my own.
That was almost a month ago. Last night, after Dr. Love's family birthday party, my sister in law left early to go home and start the process of feeding the trio. I condsidered offering to help, but my mother in law beat me to it and then patted me on the shoulder. "Come over in a half hour and you can do the next one," she said.
Little Becky gobbled down her bottle and then snuggled into my shoulder as I tried to burp her. Whispy smiles swept across her faces as she cooed, and drifted off to sleep. Next to me Dr. Love craddled tiny Mark, and in that moment I caught a glimpse of what it could be like for us. Apparently my mother in law did too as she gushed at us from across the room.
I realized we could do this.
I wasn't afraid.
I have at least a modicum of motherly instinct stashed somewhere inside me.
Now let's hope that Mother Nature gives us a chance.
I never did get a burp out of her, but I'm looking on the bright side and chocking it up to awesome feeding skills instead.