The results of today's baseline ultrasound / cyst check:
2 cysts greater than 30mm in size = no medication for ovulation induction this cycle.
In the process of stimulating the ovaries to grow follicles and produce an egg, the cysts would also be stimulated to grow and we don't want that. As a result we're on a forced rest cycle in hopes that they will come down in size and we'll check on them again next cycle. We can still try on our own in case by a slim chance my body does decide to ovulate on it's own for once but we can't use any medication to help it get there.
Dr. M believes that the first cyst we found on my follicle check last cycle is one of these two and that it has shrunk a bit but it didn't burst last week as we thought. He has suspicions that the other one may be the 12mm follicle we saw and instead of rupturing with the trigger shot it kept growing. Great. :(
So:
The question about a Christmas baby has been most likely resolved.
We have a slim to none chance at a 2011 baby.
Our 1 year anniversary of trying to conceive will come and go.
The window for having 2 pregnancies during residency (which we had hoped to do to take advantage of our good maternity coverage) has been most likely slammed shut.
Needless to say, I'm bummed and I'm getting tired of being bummed.
I feel like we had to wait patiently to be even be able to try medication, due to my funky cycles interfering with timely completion of our testing, and we got 1 try before having to wait again.
I know I previously waffled on whether or not we would try this cycle, but I had made a decision on it that I felt good about. I was ready to go. Having that ability to chose taken away and instead having a break thrust upon me is frustrating.
I feel like everywhere I turn lately I run into road blocks of one kind or another and it's taken its toll. Usually I'm a fairly positive person, but I look back at the posts I've made on this blog and I see a lot of frustration and sadness. Now part of that is just the nature of this blog being an outlet for me and while it is cathartic for me it's not necessarily a fun read. I apologize for that and for the negativity, I hope to be able to have more positive and uplifting posts soon.
I'm so sorry you didn't get good news today and have to wait out the next cycle. I can imagine how upset and frustrated you are. Sending lots of T&Ps that your body decides to cooperate soon.
ReplyDeleteJenny
Hey! I just stumbled upon your blog... thinking of you! Residency is already stressful enough, but then to add in trying for a family and having trouble - I just can't imagine. Thinking of you! And off to browse more of your blog :) xo
ReplyDeleteOh man, I was hoping this wasn't going to be the case. I know all to well what not being able to move forward against my will feels like so I understand your frustration. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for a miracle. Enjoy your weekend away.
ReplyDeleteThank you girls for the kind comments. They really made my day.
ReplyDeletealongkindoflove - Thanks for coming by and I hope to see more of you. You're right that infertility definitely adds a different element to the stress of things.
i can understand how you feel when you read back your own previous posts. i look back and think, gosh, am i really that sad and frustrated? and the answer is yes, but not all the time. we do laugh and joke and enjoy life. we probably just don't blog about it as much. hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time of it! Wishing you positive results sooner rather than later!
ReplyDeleteLove you Jenny. And so sorry it didn't work out this month :( I can't tell you how much your post resonated with me on EXACTLY (I mean, EXACTLY) how I felt this month with my bust cycle. So much hope, and then so much disappointment in the end. It's tiring, it's depressing, it's anger envoking, it's sad, it's scary. After so many months of this, that's why I decided I needed a break for this next cycle, if not two. For my mental health, I need it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your raw thoughts and emotions. It's always comforting, unfortunately, to know there is someone else out there going through EXACTLY what I am, and understands the heartache and pain that comes with infertility. Crossing my fingers for your BFP!!!!! You deserve it.
Love you.