Monday, March 14, 2011

I'm Coming Out, I Want the World to Know....

Ok maybe not the whole world but at least my immediate family. Last Sunday while at my parents' house for dinner, we told my family about our struggles and the fact that we are working with a RE. When we first started with Dr. M I didn't say anything as there really wasn't any news to tell. I felt the same after all of our testing came back clear and that it appears it's only my old hormone problems that are the source of our problems. I knew it would just be a matter of time before either A) they asked, or B) something happened that I wanted to fill them in on.

After our follicle check showed a nice sized cyst, I figured it was time. In the event that the worst case scenario happens and the cyst bursts requiring a trip to the emergency room, I knew I wouldn't not be able to keep that a secret. The next obvious question would then be how did Residency Widow get a cyst in the first place? The spiral of information from that would inevitably lead to discussion of our reproductive efforts. So in an effort to squash the potential for hurt feelings and have the chance to reveal the information on my own terms, I decided Sunday would be THE day.

Regardless it's not the easiest subject to bring up. Rarely does normal dinner conversation lend itself to a discussion of one's reproductive organs. "Please pass the gravy, and oh by the way my ovaries suck," just isn't my style. So I waited for a good window.

Window #1: Mom's family's history of health problems

During dinner we got a surprise call that my uncle was being admitted to the hospital for heart surgery. After the initial shock we got talking about all the family's healthy history. "Perfect chance," I thought. Right as I was getting ready to blurt, "guess you can add infertility to that list," the phone rang and the moment was gone.

Window #2: Grandma skills

We took our dog Buster with us and he always gets spoiled by my Mom with doggy treats. Buster LOVES it and subsequently Buster LOVES my mom. Dr Love and I were teasing her about it and she said, "I'm just practicing my grandma skills." That would be great....except Dad had left the room moments earlier to help my brother with something. This was a discussion I wanted to have with both of them.

Window #3: Baby bonanza

When my dad came back some how the discussion took a turn towards the number of people we knew who were pregnant or recently had babies. But again just as the words were about to spill from my mouth, the topic shifted and rolled in another direction.

So after all those windows of opportunity, I decided I had to make my own window.

Window #4: Buster's bump

Occasionally Buster gets a little bump on his thigh. I noticed it again at my parents' house and brought it up to Dr Love. "Dogs can get little cysts just like humans. I wouldn't worry much about it," said my Dad.

"Guess who else has a cyst?" I blurted.

Yep I used the discussion of a cyst on my dog to bring up our struggles to conceive.

S-M-O-O-T-H-E is how you spell my middle name.

Overall the discussion that followed my awkward ice breaker went well. After giving them the full run down my dad's first question was to ask if we needed help with the treatments. Not in a "are you asking for money?" kind of way, but instead it was a caring "I can't do much to help other than offer financial help," kind of way.

Mom seemed to be a bit surprised of the stage we were in but not surprised that we were having trouble, given her knowledge of my history. "When we didn't hear anything for a while I kind of wondered if something was up, but wasn't going to push about it unless you guys brought it up."

So the cat's slowly creeping out of the bag and I think in the long run I'll be happier for it.

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